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What the fuck are Meggings?  It's the hottest trend in men's fashion you dumb cave dweller.  It's basically leggings for men.  Yes, you backward hill billy, don't you have ANY sort of fashion sense?  What we have been missing for so many years is leggings for men.  Skin tight meggings to show off the skinny, tight legs of men.  Hot...right? 

Men want to flaunt those chicken legs and show off just how scrawny and pathetic their legs really are.  Nothing is able to showcase those gams like meggings.  All the hot guys and celebrities are wearing them.  Justin Bieber and Russell Brand are sporting them.  Oh, wait, did I say "hot", I meant to say, "effeminate, weird, and creepy".

So, if you are looking for a gift that will embarrass and make your guy look like a muscular tranny, get him his own pair of Meggings.  Every fashion victim one.

Different points of view

I think Sean spent 4 years admiring (stalking) Stephanie from a far.

WTF, Urban Outfitters

WTF, Urban Outfitters?  You fucking hipster store.  You're making Christmas your bitch this year?

How incredibly subversive and cool you are.  You with your FUCK candle and your "Let's Fucking Reminisce" photo albums.   You guys are the coolest, hippest, most ironic store out there.

There are lots of people who are upset with your use of profanity in your products, but not me.  Fuck'em I say.  Those assholes don't know a fucking gold mine when they see it.  If these old fogie parents ever heard their kid speak with their fucking friends, they would understand that you are just giving them what they fucking want.  Yes, those fucking, hip, cool kids who have too much money on their hands.

Urban Outfitters, you are my hero because you are able to remove money from asshat hipsters and get them to pay $16 for a photo album made in Asia for about $.25.  Only your crack marketing team is able to compel idiots to give up $198 for a Polaroid Instant camera that is just a piece of shit digital camera made to look like the original, but does not function as an instant camera.  Pure fucking genius.

I'm worth $198, because I look ironic and cool.

Posers out there have a lot to learn from your marketing genius.  I think every store that wants to get some attention needs to throw the word "fuck" around and really start selling their overpriced shit.

I am going to start getting my $50 "Fucking Easter Eggs" ready for spring.

Tom and Jerry

I see now that Jerry was a complete dick.  Sorry Tom.

Grammar is important

English is my second language, but even I know the difference.

New Holiday tradition

When your finger is in my crack,
best get ready for my my stack,
Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

Rules for being a Gentleman

I try to follow most of these rules.  Good for my son too. 

Great "ANTI-Bullying" Story

This is the BEST Thanksgiving Story ever.  Remember, you never know who you are helping and how that might change their lives.

Tina the Queen of the Trolls

Now I understand why my wife has a crush on her.  I might as well.

Ba Humbug...Pre-Lit Christmas Tree

Who has a pre-lit Christmas tree?  Who invented this instrument of supposedly cheerful holiday torture?  I know the idea sounds good, but in practice, I am not so sure.  Now, before anyone gets upset, I am not saying that ALL pre-lit trees are bad.  Just the ones that suck monkey balls like the one I happen to have.

We have a 9 ft pre-lit Christmas tree with about 3,000 light bulbs on it.  Ours is huge, massive, and heavy as hell, with more wires and lights than an airport runway in a major city.  It's a nice looking tree.  It was VERY nice to have a huge tree that we didn't have to string lights on.  You plug in all the strands, turn them all on and enjoy your Christmas.  Yeah, that happened only the FIRST year we owned that tree.  Ever since that honeymoon Christmas, it has never been the same around here.  Nope, now it is an annoying, tedious, and mind numbing battle in search of the dreaded dead bulb.  Our tree is seven years old now and once one bulb goes out, the entire strand goes out.  So, you need to find the dead bulb.  With over 3,000 light bulbs on a tree, that is a lot to go through.  

Yes, there are tools to help, in fact I have to give a HUGE thumbs up to the makers of LIGHT KEEPER PRO.  Never heard of the magical, super duper, ass kicking, most awesome device ever??  It's a life changer.  Truly.  It was probably invented by Christmas nerds, to save the common man hours of Christmas misery.  What this time saving device does is it basically lights up your strand and shows you where you have a dead bulb.  It really works.  The first time I used it, I thought it was magic.  So simple, so incredible, it was like hitting the lottery.  No more following the string to find the burned out bulb.  The Light Keeper Pro lights up the entire strand showing you where the dead bulb is.  Awesome.  Just one thing, sometimes the strands are so messed up that it will not light up, but most of the time it will work and let you fix the strand.  When I get my "gun" out I feel like Clark Griswold on steroids.  Give me a partially burned out strand of lights and I'll fix it for you - no problem! 

If you love Christmas lights and your sanity, you MUST OWN THIS!!!
 Now that I have the power of this gadget, you would think it would take no time to get the tree back to its former glowing glory days.  WRONG.  I got most of the lights on the tree to come up, but had to hunt down each individual burned out bulb.  It was easier to find them with my gun, but in a tree of 3,000 lights, it was still a good game of "find that damn fried bulb".  Gomer was helping me and thought this was the start of a GREAT Christmas tradition.  Yeah, I guess it was kinda fun - for the first 30 minutes.  After three and a half hours of finding the bulbs and replacing each one, it wasn't so much fun anymore.  Gomer, of course, abandoned me after about 20 minutes into our new "tradition".  He was tired and bored.  That kid would never make it in a sweat shop. 

The other thing that sucked about my job was that each dead bulb had to be identified, then pulled out from the wiring, removed from the socket and another bulb had to be threaded into the socket.  My God, I'm just exhausted writing all that - imagine trying to actually DO it over 150 times.  Now I understand why those Foxcomm people in China jump off the roofs.   

This job sucks balls.
I will admit, some of this pain and time was partly my fault because I'm such a cheap bastard and a bit of a masochist.  You can buy 10 replacement bulbs alone without the socket base for a buck.  BUT, if you buy a strand of 100 lights for $3, you get 100 bulbs for $3.  Yeah, you have to pull all the lights off of the strand and remove them from the socket bases, but that's just time and energy - and I've got nothing but time and energy.

I'm all about saving money, I have even taken old strands that barely work and pulled the light bulbs out of those.  Anything to save a buck.  Now, on an hourly basis with the time involved, I am sure I was working for pennies an hour.  But I saved those pennies.  

So, after over four hours of "hunting and replacing", the tree finally went up, with most of the lights coming on.  Looked pretty good too, if I do say so myself.  I told my wife we should think about buying a NEW tree with LED lights.  I have looked, and they are about $600 for the size of tree we have.  So, guess what?  I think Gomer and I have a great new Christmas tradition next year of "hunting and replacing bulbs" - quality time together.  Priceless.  I even got an extra gun today so Gomer can have his own next year.

Don't look too close, there are some dead bulb in there.
I am super proud of my wife. She has been nominated for Top 25 Author/blogger moms over at Circle of Moms. Could you guys help and vote for her?? People I Want to Punch in the Throat is her blog. I could use the brownie points with my wife and maybe I will get some sexy time for my efforts.  Thanks so much and wish me luck.

Jen's Note:  I was more than willing to take new strands of three dollar lights and wrap the damn tree in them, but oh no, the Hubs got all OAM on my ass and spent an entire day hunting and pecking to make the tree "perfect."  I don't know if I should punch him or love him for all his effort. 

Why I have books

Black Thursday Night

To All the employees and people who petition for Black Thursday Night (BTN) to be moved back:

Congrats on getting together and signing a petition.  This is America and I love to see people come together and voice their opinions.  I have an opinion of your petition.  I think anyone who does not want to work Black Thursday Night should be able to take that night off.  As long as you take all the other nights off as well.  Feel free to self-fire yourself.  This way you will have all the time you want to spend with your family on ALL the holidays.  Halloween, Easter, Christmas and of course St. Patrick's day.  Wouldn't want you to miss the family egg hunt and trick or treating with the kiddos.

Many retailers have said that they basically break even the entire year until they get the rush of people on Black Friday to finally make a profit for the year.  Without a doubt, it is their busiest day of the year.  If you chose to work in retail sales, you should EXPECT to work on holidays and weekends.  No questions asked.  You should be helping the customer and work when it is convenient for them to shop.  I don't know about you, but all that turkey makes me sleepy and I would like to shop early and get a great night sleep.  I like my sleep and my sales.  It's MY holiday tradition.  

I buy lots of things.  ONLINE.  Cool stuff, like toys, electronics, and even crock pots.  Here's a news flash, in-store sales are losing their battle with online sales.  There are deals for Black Friday, Black Thursday, and Super sales through the entire month of November.  They are open 24/7.  They don't close, they have people working around the clock to help their customers fulfill what they need.  They don't care what time the sale comes in, they are working around the clock to make it happen.  Ask Amazon what their shift looks like during the Holiday sales seasons.   

I have been out on Black Friday.  Do I love the crowds? NO.  Do I like waiting in long lines?  NO.  Do I like hoping they still have inventory when I get up to the item I want?  NO.  Why do I go out on BTN?  It's the deals.  Deals, deals and more deals.  There's something in the air.  Nothing like getting a $300 Xbox Kinetic bundle for $150.  What I like is the idea that retailers finally understand that they should give really great deals for their customers so they will come out on a holiday, and brave the crowds and spend their hard earned money.  The in-store Black Friday sales are basically what gets me and lots of other shoppers excited about going into and buying from physical stores again. 

If you choose to come to work on BTN or Black Friday, you'd better be pleasant.  If you can't have a smile on your face, and a jig in your step, please don't show up.  No one wants to fight the crazy zombie filled crowds and also deal with a dickish employee who blames the world that they had to miss the end of "A Christmas Story" with their family.  I didn't force you to work in retail, if you don't value your job and have no desire to help your customers, you should just stay home.  I can buy my crap somewhere else, like online.

Before you hate me because I don't support your cause.  Let me explain myself.  I am a REALTOR.  I work when I can and when it is convenient for my clients.  I have worked both THANKSGIVING and CHRISTMAS DAY.  I have worked at night and most weekends.  If I am lucky enough to have clients who want to see homes, I always take them out when they are available.  It is something called customer service, maybe you've heard of it?


Super Protective Mom

This is a mom that loves her kid unconditionally.

How is a baby made?

I think this is the perfect answer for anyone who wants to know about that secret sauce.

Who is The HUBS?

If you are reading this list, that means you have come here to learn some unknown and obscure facts about me.  Some of these facts are so obscure even my wife does not know.

I will tag some other bloggers and hope they will post some sort of list that will reveal some interesting, random, or obscure facts about themselves.  This is a great way to know someone a little bit better.

1.  I was born in Taiwan, but I am Chinese - not Taiwanese.  I am fluent in Mandarin Chinese.  I speak English with NO accent...maybe a slight New Yawk City accent.  Anyone that meets me in person can't believe I can speak fluent Chinese.  I normally bust out the Chinese at the Chinese restaurants to order those special menu items that white people never see and would never eat.  Yes, it really does exist.  You can't just ask for the Jellyfish and Pig Intestines in English.

2.  I love television and films.  I went to USC and NYU Film school, so I have watched and learned all about Film and TV production.  I learned to speak English watching all those 70's-80's shows.  I was a latch key kid.  Today, most people don't know what that is, but it basically means you went to school by yourself, you came home by yourself and watched TV all day long until your parents came home from work.  I thought this was great, with Carol and Mike Brady, Maggie and Jason Seaver, Claire and Cliff Huxtable, and Elyse and Steven Keaton and all the other great parents on TV, why did I need any parents in real life??  I thought those shows were great and had a sense of morality.  Not sure any of the Real Housewives would be a great example of parents today.  I do watch them as well.  Yes, I am guilty and feel dirty after.

3.  80's New Wave music is my wheel house.  If a song comes on the radio that was in this era, I can name that tune in 4-6 notes.  NO JOKE.  I can't name all the bands, but I will try just off the top of my head.  Depeche Mode, OMD, A Flock of Seagulls, Ah-Ha, The Cure, The Smiths, Erasure, Simple Minds, The Psychedelic Furs, UB40, U2 and so many more.  I was NOT a Van Halen, Twisted Sister kind of kid.

4.   I am a cheap bastard.  I know, everyone that knows me and that has read my blog or my wife's blog knows this is no secret.  I want to share some weird ways I like to save money.  Not all of them will work or is for everyone, so take from it what you will.

When I pump my gas, I always stop when it clicks automatically - never rounding off to the next dollar - because you are not getting any more gas by pumping anymore. 

When I prepay for gas with an exact amount, I always leave the lever in the ON position while I take the hose and raise it up to get any remaining gas in the hose.  I am sure I have saved tens if not hundreds of cents doing this. 

5. I like to get my haircuts at Great Clips.  Why?  Because they are cheap and do a fairly good job.  I always use a coupon.  If one does not come, I just wait.  Sometimes my hair is so over grown my wife calls me a Monchici.  Yes, I do resemble that Monchici doll.

6.  I hate to read and write.  I am a visual person.  I don't really read books or write very much.  Ever since Jen with her blog and book has taken off, I have been doing more reading and writing.  Most of my reading is done on the computer.  I do lots of research...on anything and everything.  I read lots of websites, blogs, magazines and journals.  Books...not so much.

Shameless plug: The last book I read was "Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat."  I had to read it because my wife wrote it and it is funny as hell and it talks about the 80's Christmas.  My favorite.

7.  This is the last fact and super cost saving tip I am leaving.  I pee in the shower.  Don't be grossed out.  It is natural.  I do it to save on water.  If you can't get with this idea, you are killing our planet one unnecessary flush at a time.  I will admit to even holding my pee until I can get into the shower to pee.  That is how committed I am to saving our planet.  I am no tree huger, but if I can save 2-4 gallons of water ever day by peeing in the shower, I will do my part.

That is all.  I can't think of any more things to say.  I hope you know me a little more and understand me a little more.  Here are the other bloggers I hope will do this as well.  Since I am new to this, these are all people that I know through my wife.  I hope you will check out some of these other people as well.  They are in NO particular order.

Why I need FOUR kids

This is a very good argument for having more than 3 kids.

Gotta LOVE food

I think she knows LOVE when she sees it. Who doesn't love the chocolate fountain??

Grammar troll in action

If you are going to be a troll, be a Grammar troll.

How to creep people out

It's all fun and games until the FBI shows up.  Then it's a felony.