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My Kick Ass Zombie Team

I have House with Jackie Chan and Wolverine.  My team kicks ass.

Best Motorcycle Ad

I don't know how to ride a motorcycle, but I want this one.

Romeo Rose

Dear Romeo Rose,

Congrats on getting out your message about being lonely in Austin and trying to find that perfect person. Much like you, I am also looking for that life partner and I was so inspired by your honesty and candor that I felt I should write you a letter expressing my feelings.

I am 6' 3", approximately 129.8 pounds.  I would describe myself as tall, skinny and rather anorexic looking. I'm built like a awkward teenage boy with smallish A cup breasts, but I am all woman.  I am allergic to the sun, so my skin is a beautiful shade of blinding white and pretty pasty like Elmer's glue.

It's been hard to find just the right man with the courage to tell me the whole truth about what he is looking for in a mate.  You have given me the courage to tell you what I am looking for in a life long partner.

I want someone who can let me know just how awesome he is. Someone with good self-esteem. I hate those losers who are so self aware about how bad they look and how ignorant they are.  I want someone who can see past all their own faults and can carry on no matter how much of a loser they are.  Honestly, who wants to be with someone that doesn't love themselves more than anyone else?  I know I don't.

I know this is going to sound strange, but I want someone who only likes the color white.  I drive a white car, I sleep on white sheets, I like to drink milk and let's be honest, my pasty white body is really white.  I'm so glad there is someone out there that feels the same way I do about the color white.  The room I sleep in is even padded in white.

I really like men who have deep set eyes with wild hair.  That whole CRO-Magnon man look is so hot.  I appreciate a man who looks like a man.  I love a man with lots of hair.  I bet you even have a beautiful mane of BACK hair that I can comb and brush like a horse.

Speaking of horses, My favorite show is Mr. Ed and I thought his teeth were fabulous and a huge turn on. Need I say more?

I think you and I were meant for each other.  I'm so glad that we found each other.

You can find me waiting for you just outside of South Mordor.

Hopelessly HOT in Austin

Ways to Be a Better You

As I watch my kids get older, I wanted to give them some advice on how to be a better version of themselves.

1.  Be fearless. Don't spend your life in fear of the unknown.  You should not be afraid of the unknown.  You should embrace the unknown as new adventures in your life.

2.  Be strong.  Be strong in spirit, body and mind.  I not saying I want you to be pumping iron and do 100 push ups a day, but to be strong in everything you do.  To be strong in mind and spirit and don't give up on anything you try and to persevere through the difficult things in your life. 

3.  Be funny.  You have to be able to laugh at yourself and with others.  Having a sense of humor is so important because it will help you handle the stresses of everyday life.   

4.  Be careful.  Be careful with your things, and your feelings.  Take good care of your stuff because no one else will.  Be careful with your feelings because they will get hurt very easily and a broken heart or a crushed spirit are the hardest things to fix.

5.  Be smart.  Studying hard at school is important.  No matter what happens, getting a good education will serve you well in the future.  Smart is sexy and it is never out of style. Nerds rule the world and they always will.

6.  Be choosy.  Choose your friends carefully.  Who you choose to associate yourself with is a reflection on who you are and how you will be influenced.  Be very choosy when picking a mate.  Don't just sleep around with everyone, make sure you pick the right mate because they will be a HUGE part of your life and they can either make your life easier or much much harder.

7.  Be yourself.  Everyone is different and unique.  Don't follow and try to be like everyone else.  We are all unique and we should celebrate just how unique we truly are.  All our differences make us who we are.  There is only one of you in the world, you should celebrate this fact.

8.  Be generous.  You should always be generous.  Generous with your time, your money and your talents.  If you have more than others, always share because sharing is the right thing to do.

9.  Be connected.  The world is a big place.  There are billions of people in thousands of countries around the world.  Find your tribe and stay connected to your tribe.  Being connected on a real level with just one other person in the world can be enough to keep you sane and normal.

10.  Don't be a quitter.  This last one is important because to do everything else on this list you will have to work at it.  Nothing comes easy and will require hours of work and dedication.  Remember that when you want to stop something because it is too hard, that is when you must push harder and work harder.  Quitting will never get you where you want to be.  Quitting should never be the answer to anything you do.  Quitting is not an option if you want to be successful.

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When I Grow Up

Someone needs to have a talk with Albert.

Very Awkward

This phone is awkward. 

I don't want to talk about it.

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You Might Be A Cheap Bastard If...

Use hangers to cook your food.

This is how you take a hot shower.

Use these for your love making.

Gotta Love Those TEXTS

I resemble that Chinese smiley face. -__-.

If you had fun with this page, come follow me on Facebook or Twitter.

Cat Gang Bang

I guess a great cat gang bang comes before work.

Great Job

I'm not judging, but where does the fist come in?

Dear Huggies

I wish this black magic existed. I would pay for that.