I think mom is having a good laugh.
Dear Romeo Rose,
Congrats on getting out your message about being lonely in Austin and trying to find that perfect person. Much like you, I am also looking for that life partner and I was so inspired by your honesty and candor that I felt I should write you a letter expressing my feelings.
I am 6' 3", approximately 129.8 pounds. I would describe myself as tall, skinny and rather anorexic looking. I'm built like a awkward teenage boy with smallish A cup breasts, but I am all woman. I am allergic to the sun, so my skin is a beautiful shade of blinding white and pretty pasty like Elmer's glue.
It's been hard to find just the right man with the courage to tell me the whole truth about what he is looking for in a mate. You have given me the courage to tell you what I am looking for in a life long partner.
I want someone who can let me know just how awesome he is. Someone with good self-esteem. I hate those losers who are so self aware about how bad they look and how ignorant they are. I want someone who can see past all their own faults and can carry on no matter how much of a loser they are. Honestly, who wants to be with someone that doesn't love themselves more than anyone else? I know I don't.
I know this is going to sound strange, but I want someone who only likes the color white. I drive a white car, I sleep on white sheets, I like to drink milk and let's be honest, my pasty white body is really white. I'm so glad there is someone out there that feels the same way I do about the color white. The room I sleep in is even padded in white.
I really like men who have deep set eyes with wild hair. That whole CRO-Magnon man look is so hot. I appreciate a man who looks like a man. I love a man with lots of hair. I bet you even have a beautiful mane of BACK hair that I can comb and brush like a horse.
Speaking of horses, My favorite show is Mr. Ed and I thought his teeth were fabulous and a huge turn on. Need I say more?
I think you and I were meant for each other. I'm so glad that we found each other.
You can find me waiting for you just outside of South Mordor.
Hopelessly HOT in Austin